Tag Archives: Microsoft

Psychological Safety and What I Learned In XBox Might Have Saved My Life from Cancer

Here’s the truth. If it weren’t for a peer who I felt psychologically safe with as well as the skills I learned as quality manager on Xbox 360….

I might be dead today.

At the very least, my quality of life would be dramatically worse than it is. Read on if you’re interested in the whole story…..

Five years ago, I felt a lump on my neck that turned out to be cancer. I just got the call from my doctor, I’m cancer free, and long term prognosis is very good. I’m virtually free of side effects, an outcome that she tells me is unheard of for this type of cancer. Today, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude as I reflect on how I got here.

Paralyzed with fear, I found myself unable to focus on work, but I also felt guilty about taking any more “sick time” from work. I had a co-worker, Erinn, who I fully trusted. I felt psychologically safe with her, so I walked to her office. The ensuing conversation may have saved my life……

“Do you have a second to talk? I’m struggling, I don’t feel like working and I don’t feel like I’m sick, so I don’t know what to do.” I said as I entered her office.

“Damon, you have cancer, you’re sick! Don’t feel guilty, take the time you need. Use your strengths, research it and figure out how to beat it!”

I quickly felt the stress leave my body, and my fear was quickly replaced with a desire to solve the biggest problem I’d faced in my life. I jumped in my car and drove to the Commons at Microsoft, a comfortable place to research. I grabbed a piece of carrot cake, knowing this might be one of the last times I would enjoy my favorite sweet, and I began researching.

I’ll never forget it. I found a presentation with a “Kaplan Meier” plot for patients experiencing the same type of cancer I had. There were 2 lines on the plot, one line for “known primary source” and another line for “unknown primary source.” I’m betting 99 out of 100 people wouldn’t know how to interpret this statistical plot. But I knew because I’d learned about this plot as the quality manager for Xbox 360.

My heart quickly began racing.

The plot indicated that I had a 50% chance of being dead in 2 years!

However, if they could find the cancer, I’d have a greater than 90% chance of being alive in 5 years!

Pick up a coin and flip it. The odds of it being “heads” were the same odds of me being alive today. This plot shows the 2 lines (I overlaid the explanations to simplify interpretation).

I vowed to never share this data with my wife or family, knowing the fear it would induce.

As dug further, I discovered TORS (Trans Oral Robotic Surgery). This relatively unheard of technique was very successful at finding Cancer of Unknown Primary source.

The raw data was at the end of the article. I went back to work and imported the raw data into Power BI and within an hour built a report that convicted me that my situation wasn’t as dire as I thought. The report revealed that 72.3% of the time TORS discovered the source of cancer! Furthermore, it indicated that 50% of the time the source was at the base of the tongue, an area that only TORS could locate and remove. The report showed that 89% of the population in the study were males, and the median age was 56. I was 52 and literally the identical characteristics of the candidates in the study! Finally, the median tumor size was .9 cm (a little more than ¼”)! No wonder the blind biopsy done during my original surgery didn’t locate anything!

My skills in building Power BI reports and analyzing data brought me incredible hope.

I wasn’t going to die in 2 years. I was going to research TORS, have the surgery, find the cancer and remove it!

A closer look at the data revealed that the University of Washington had more than twice the patients in the study! UW was literally 20 minutes from my house!!

My visit to the radiation oncologist didn’t go as well as expected. She wasn’t as versed in the studies and data that I’d discovered, and recommended we proceed with the previously prescribed radiation treatment.

I was livid. I told her I’d seen the data. My chances of survival were 50% in 2 years, and I wasn’t ok with that. She indicated that the odds were significantly better for me than that. When I asked her for the source of her data she couldn’t recall.

“With all due respect, I need to pursue this path. Can you please refer me to the University of Washington Head and Neck Cancer Center” I requested.

2 minutes later she returned with a referral, but warned me that they were busy and it might be weeks before I heard back. Those weeks might result in the cancer growing and she wanted to make sure I was sure.

“I’m 100% sure I want to go see them” I said.

I went home and anxiously awaited the call. It didn’t come. So, I did what I’d learned to do so many times in my career. I located the phone number for the UW and I called! My first call was a dead end. They had no records of my referral.

I took a different tactic on my second call. “Can you please put me through to Dr. H’s office?” I’d researched TORS at the UW and discovered that Dr. H was the resident expert.

“Here’s the number Mr. Stoddard” they said.

“Thank you, you might have saved my life” I responded.

The next morning, I heard back from Dr. H’s assistant. There were no appointments for weeks. I didn’t give up. I shared the research I’d done, and I shared how I’d identified Dr. H.

“Just a moment, Mr. Stoddard” his assistant said.

A few minutes later she said “Dr. H. has tumor board this afternoon. He’d like to see your case.”

“WAHOO!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” I said.

“We’ll call you after tumor board. Let’s schedule an appointment a few weeks out” she said.

I was a bit disheartened that I’d have to wait to talk to Dr. H., but I was elated at the opportunity.

The next morning my phone rang. “Mr. Stoddard, we’ve had a cancellation. How quickly can you be here?”

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes” I excitedly said, my heart racing out of my chest.

An hour later I was talking to one of the pioneers of Trans Oral Robotic Surgery, Dr. H. He shared that I had a 50/50 chance of finding the tumor in my tongue and that there would be almost no long term side effects. But if they found it, my long term prognosis would be very very good, and I wouldn’t experience many of the major side effects.

“Let’s do it” I said.

2 weeks later as I entered the operating room I confidently boasted

You are going to find the cancer in my tongue and you are going to remove it!

I was right. They found the cancer, just a few millimeters from the needle biopsy, and they removed the margins! I was cancer free!!!

I shared the news later that day in a Facebook Live video.

But my story wasn’t over…

I re-learned another valuable lesson, the same lesson I’d learned years earlier as the quality manager for Xbox. We’d spent months pulling the data together trying to understand what was driving the 3 red light failures, but weren’t any closer. I had a few friends at SAS, including the founder and president of JMP, the statistical software that I used for most of my career to understand and solve significant problems. I was giving a keynote address at one of their conferences and decided to take an extra day to fly up to their headquarters to get their help on how to statistically analyze the data from the Xbox red light failures.

“That’s easy. Dr. Meeker, the world’s best in reliability, talks about this in his book. He recommends using Kaplan-Meier. We have this built into the JMP software, let me show you how to use it.” Brad said in his office.

A few short hours later I was on a plane, analyzing the failure data using this technique. Over the coming weeks we uncovered incredible insights and quickly improved the quality problems.

All because I asked for help from one of the best in the world….

I originally wanted to do my radiation treatment close to home to avoid the extra 20-minute commute. After talking with the radiation oncologist, however, I quickly changed my mind. She wasn’t going to change her protocol for treatment even though they’d identified and removed the cancer. I would lose my taste buds, my saliva, and would only recover about 70%. I’d no longer taste sweets, I’d struggle with dry mouth, and I’d have to take extra care of my teeth to avoid any potential of potentially life threatening cavities.

I was livid. It made no sense. The cancer that was once unknown but now removed didn’t change my treatment at all?

I respectfully declined her treatment plan and returned to the UW to be treated by one of the nation’s best, Dr. P.

My radiation treatment would be significantly less severe than if they hadn’t discovered and removed the cancer. The treatment would be very painful, but the UW dropout rate was <5% versus nearly 30% for non-University programs. I would lose my sense of taste for a short period of time, but a few months later I’d be at 90%, with only a slight degradation in my ability to taste sweets. My chances of survival were significantly better than 90% because they’d found and removed the cancer.

When I asked what his recommendation might have been if they hadn’t found the cancer, he said they would have had to dramatically increase the radiation dose and my quality of life would have been dramatically worse.

My wife and I were elated. We made a fact-based decision and chose the expert for my radiation treatment.

I was warned, the next 6 weeks would be very difficult.

I went to the UW every weekday for the next 6 weeks. My head was strapped to the table, and my head and neck were radiated to kill any residual cancer cells.

The promise of great pain never came to pass. I continued riding my bike almost every day, believing that the extreme exercise brought life giving blood to the areas the radiation was killing.

I decided to celebrate my last day of radiation treatment by riding my bike 15 miles from my house in Woodinville to the UW. I arrived at the UW on my bike, tears flowing down my face. Not only had I beaten cancer, but I was healthy and strong. Dr. H. saw me and said he’d never seen a patient fare as well as I had through radiation treatment.

That was almost 5 years ago. I’m still cancer free, and my quality of life is almost the same as before cancer. I’m filled with gratitude and left to wonder:

Where would I be if:

  • I didn’t have a co-worker I felt psychologically safe with when I was trapped in fear?

  • I hadn’t decided to own my own treatment?

  • I hadn’t learned the power of data driven decisions years ago as quality manager of Xbox 360, after a co-worker saw my passion for data and problem solving?

  • I hadn’t taken a growth mindset when I feared the worst from cancer and began researching options?

  • I hadn’t intentionally built my professional network to include world experts in statistics?

  • I didn’t know how to interpret p values on Kaplan Meier plots, learned while being a member of a team of brilliant co-workers at Microsoft?

  • I hadn’t taken the time to learn Power BI, then applied those skills for an extra hour to build that Power BI report that revealed my path to recovery?

  • I hadn’t continued to reference the data, giving me the credibility and confidence to challenge the doctors and ultimately leading me to the best possible treatment at UW?

  • I didn’t have a manager that cared about me as a person and didn’t let me return to work full-time, even though I felt fine physically?

I might be dead

Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of email, chats, meetings, and our computer screen that we forget how important it is to stop, reflect, and be grateful for everything we have.

I’m not dead. I’m alive because of psychological safety and the skills I learned on Xbox 360

I want to challenge you to take some time in the next few days and reflect on what you are grateful for. I promise you it will have a profoundly positive impact on your own well-being in a time that it is desperately needed.

It all started with psychological safety. I had a co-worker I felt safe talking to when I was trapped in fear. How about you? Do you have any co-workers you feel psychologically safe with? Would you be psychologically safe if someone came to you with a similar issue?

I Wrote My Book In 45 Days!

Wow!  I just penned my last words to my first book, Pain Drives Change.  I started 45 days ago and didn’t have a clue about how long it would take or when I would finish, but I knew I needed to write it.

47,824 words and an estimated 191 pages later I’m done!  I’ve learned a lot in the process of writing my book: Continue reading I Wrote My Book In 45 Days!

Pain Drives Change-I’m almost finished writing my first book!

On January 13, 1999 I placed my video camera on a tripod and began video journaling the season of my life that transformed me into the man I am today.  I had just separated from my wife and moved into a small house in the slums of South Seattle.Video Journal Snippet  I had no idea how much emotional pain I’d be facing in the years to come and I had no idea that I’d need this pain to turn me into the man God created me to be.  For some reason I knew that I wanted to immortalize this season of my life through my video journal and so I began. Continue reading Pain Drives Change-I’m almost finished writing my first book!

Blessed beyond measure-what a week!

A week ago today I heard the news-my position at Microsoft had been eliminated and my last day was Friday. I wrote about this in my blog “Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye”. I honestly had no idea that a simple blog post from my heart would impact so many people. I’ve received more than a hundred emails, most from people I’ve never met, thanking me for the blog. Many people mentioned that my blog gave them a new perspective and re-energized them for their work. As a Master Black Belt in Six Sigma I love data. For fun, I pulled the statistics on WordPress. As of this writing nearly 25,000 visitors have seen my blog. I’m overwhelmed by the encouragement and response and I wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for their encouragement and support. Furthermore, I had multiple people ask for me to keep them updated on my journey so I’ve decided to blog about my experiences.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

A few years ago I asked my neighbor, former Huskies football head coach Jim Lambright, to speak at the men’s breakfast at our church. Continue reading Blessed beyond measure-what a week!

Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye

12 ½ years ago I made a “keystone” decision in both my professional and personal life. I began my career at Honeywell in Redmond and after 13 years I knew I had to change companies if I was going to continue progressing in my career. I also knew that leaving the Seattle area was not an option-my daughter, Monica, was 5 at the time and lived with her mom. Leaving would mean I would be leaving her…simply not an option.

God has an amazing way of working things out. A former employee of mine at Honeywell worked in Microsoft Hardware and saw the potential for my skills in Six Sigma to improve the way Microsoft designed and produced hardware. Before I knew it I was working for Microsoft, my office move was less than a mile. While in building 109 I often times reflected of the softball games we played at Honeywell in the fields where building 109 now sat. Microsoft was bigger than life and I had been given an opportunity that most people dream of. My first day was January 6, 2003.

On July 8, 2015 I rode my bike to the Pro Club to run on the treadmill (a “brick day” in my triathlon training regime). As I read the news and the emails about the restructuring I was saddened, but knew it was imminent. Would I be affected I wondered? With absolute certainty I said no. 2 hours later I mentioned it to my wife on the phone and she asked if I’d be affected. With absolute certainty I said “no”. Less than 5 minutes later I was in my boss’s office with an HR representative and was informed that my position had been eliminated. I was in shock and called my wife-her response was the same response I’ve gotten from almost everyone I’ve told “you’re kidding, right?” I had to tell her 3 times that I wasn’t kidding, my last day at Microsoft would be Friday.

I have built a habit into my life of using reflection to energize personal growth. Every year I reflect on my previous years and document it, using my learnings to set goals for my future. I guess you can say the Deming cycle of “Plan, Do, Check, Act” is part of my personal DNA and I use it to continuously improve. This blog post is my first reflection. My hope and prayer is that the readers of this document will benefit from it as much as I will.

“Consider it joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have its perfect result so that you will be perfect and complete lacking in nothing” James 1:2-4

My strongest emotion since this new is gratitude and I want to express that gratitude in no uncertain terms. Microsoft is an incredible company to work for in virtually every aspect. On a personal note, Microsoft and my management have always done whatever they could to assist me when life’s trials came up. When my wife got cancer, Microsoft’s benefits paid for nearly all of her treatment and I was given whatever time I needed to be with her (she is now cancer free!) When my daughter was born I was given 4 weeks of paid paternity leave (one of the best experiences of my life). The same happened when my son was born. When my teenage daughter was struggling Microsoft benefits paid for 100% of her treatment (she is now doing incredibly well!). When I needed time to take care of my mom in the hospital I was told I could work remotely if necessary. When I was struggling with weight gain, Microsoft offered to pay for my membership at one of the nation’s best fitness clubs. Through this I discovered my love of exercise and began cycling to work. Microsoft once again reinforced this behavior and reimbursed me for supplies and tune-ups of my bike. I discovered the Microsoft Team for “Bike MS” and rode my first century at Deception Pass-Microsoft donated $17 per hour to the National MS Society for my bike riding time. When I decided to start coaching my son’s football team Microsoft paid the organization thousands of dollars for my donated time. When I was struggling with issues as a dad I discovered the “Microsoft Dads” alias and was introduced to thousands of dads with incredible advice. When I learned about the Dad’s leadership team my boss fully supported my time spent. These aliases are prevalent at Microsoft. When I shared that my wife had cancer the outpouring of love and encouragement was incredible. When I wanted to automate my home the insights were invaluable and the connections have opened a door to what could become my next profession.

Microsoft has invested tens of thousands of dollars in my own personal growth. Conferences, seminars, books, mentors, on the job learning, exposure to new ideas, and connections with the world’s brightest people. It is impossible to quantify the impact of this learning, but my life and future career will benefit immensely from it.

Thank you, Microsoft for the incredible pay and benefits. The stock options, stock, bonus pay and salary have allowed my wife to be at home to raise and homeschool our children. The financial stability allowed me to invest into what is arguably one of the finest vacation rental destinations on Lake Chelan, Marina’s Edge. The severance package I’ve received was incredibly generous . This benefit alone will certainly transform the second half of my life and give me time with my family that most people only dream of.

Thank you, Microsoft for the experiences and opportunities to live out my personal mission statement of “Adding value to people’s lives through serving others….” and accomplish more than I never dreamed possible. Here are a few of the accomplishments I’m most proud of:

  • Introducing Microsoft Hardware to Six Sigma and Design for Six Sigma and building a lot of these principles into the e2e product development lifecycle, winning the team an engineering excellence award.
  • Co-developing the “Customer Focused Design” methodology and applying it to hundreds of different projects
  • Introducing the Xbox team to Six Sigma and the power of data through the dramatic improvements in manufacturing yield earning the team a “Gold Star” award
  • Introducing Microsoft Hardware to statistical visual analysis and the power of Six Sigma through tools like JMP, ultimately isolating the root cause of the billion dollar quality problem on the original Xbox 360
    • These improvements won me the opportunity to be a keynote speaker at a number of conferences
  • Forming the initial Surface Quality team to drive improvements on original surface (remember, it was a very large table device J)
  • Transforming the approach to Business Intelligence in Manufacturing and Supply Chain IT ultimately doubling our customer satisfaction score
  • Being a part of the Operational Excellence Team that introduced Manufacturing and Supply Chain IT to the Scaled Agile Framework and ultimately influencing the direction of Microsoft IT

Finally, thank you Microsoft for the friendships. It was literally impossible for me to identify all of the people I’ve met and known at Microsoft to include on my goodbye email. It was very interesting to me as I was clearing out my computer files. 12.5 years of work, nearly 25,000 hours of my life poured into my work (PowerPoint, Word, Excel, OneNote, etc….). All of it deleted from my hard drive. It’s almost unfathomable. All of this work gone. The only thing that endures are the relationships. None of my accomplishments during my time at Microsoft would have happened without these relationships. None of my memories would be there without these relationships. Life and work are about relationships. I used to feel guilty taking time during lunch to develop relationships or time during a 1:1 to ask “how are you doing”. Developing relationships certainly wasn’t “real work”. But then one day I realized that building the relationships are the work. Most of my career at Microsoft was about driving cultural change. People don’t want to change and resist change-unless someone they trust is encouraging them along the path of change. Trust is the foundation of all relationships both professionally and personally.

To all the people I’ve interacted with throughout the years I want to say thank you for the relationships. In all my interactions with you I tried to earn your trust. Thank you for trusting me and letting me be a part of your lives. My hope and prayer is that through these relationships I’ve fulfilled my personal mission statement of “Adding value to people’s lives through serving others that they may do the same”. If I’ve added any value to your life please take the time to do the same through the relationships you form during your time at Microsoft.

Thank you and good bye!

Damon

damon@drstoddard.org

(425) 770-2522

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