I’ll never forget the day. It was May 8, 2023. I logged onto my computer, excited for the upcoming week of learning at Microsoft. I had no idea what the meeting titled “Urgent Business Meeting” meant, but I joined, excited to hear about any new changes. I joined the meeting, shocked to hear that my role and numerous others had been eliminated. My last day at Microsoft would be July 7, 2023. Ironically, 8 years prior, on July 8, 2015, I was also notified that my job had been eliminated from Microsoft.
- In 2015 I was full of gratitude and wrote a blog “Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye“. The blog went viral, I spent the next 5 months writing my first book, Pain Drives Change, in 45 days and enjoying my family. I loved Microsoft and reached out to a friend. This friend mentioned her GM had seen my blog and “wanted people like me” on the team. A few weeks later, I interviewed, and a job was created for me. I was ecstatic!
- My next 8 years at Microsoft were unquestionably the most meaningful years of my career. When I was notified in 2023 that my job was eliminated, I was once again filled with gratitude, and wrote another blog with the same title, “Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye“.
I’ll be forever grateful for the 20 years I served at Microsoft. I tell people that Microsoft is the best company on the planet, and I still believe this with all my heart, despite the temporary pain of being suddenly let go. Pain drives change, and I vowed to let the pain of this layoff change me and set the direction for the rest of my life. I’ve watched God’s hand work in my life and so many other people’s lives in the midst of pain, and I’ve learned to find joy in the pain as the Bible speaks to:
James 1:2-4 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
My wife and I went to lunch after I was notified of my layoff in 2023. Once again, she was in disbelief. I told her we’d be fine, but that I was going to reach out to the inner circle of men in my life, a group of men that I’d trust with my life, the group of men that I’d selected years earlier to be a part of a men’s group where we could encourage and inspire one another to live a life of significance.
I called Dave, one of my most trusted friends. He’d retired only a few months earlier, and I’d walked with him as he prepared for retirement the year before and was navigating the early months of retirement. His words were profound. “Damon, welcome to the liminal season of your life. I’ve been walking it for a year, and it’s been one of the most painful and rewarding years of my life. You’ll be tempted to jump into something new to avoid the pain, but don’t. Give yourself at least 6 months and wait on the Lord. When the time is right, He’ll reveal to you what you are to do for the rest of your life. But prepare yourself, it’s going to be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done. I’m walking the same path but I’m a few months ahead of you. Feel free to reach out at any time for emotional support. I don’t think your layoff was a setback, I think it was a set-up by God so you can bring the wisdom from your life experiences to the world.”
WOW. Dave, your words couldn’t have been more true. I’ve taken your advice, and I took the last 7 months off. For the first time in my life, I chose to intentionally be unintentional, a foreign concept to me.
I’ve been intensely intentional for my whole life. In a conversation with another one of the men in my group, Chuck, he said “Damon, you’ve been maniacally intentional and focused ever since I met you“. I’m going to share some examples of this maniacal intentionality, not to boast about my accomplishments, but to shed light on how difficult it would be for me to be intentionally unintentional.
- In high school I realized that if I wanted to go to college, I’d have to figure out how to pay for it. So, I intentionally pursued every extracurricular activity I could find because I knew these activities were critical to winning scholarships to college. As a result, I won 7 scholarships which paid for my first 2 years of college.
- After 2 years in college, I realized an internship was my only path to paying for the remainder of my education, so I moved to Seattle to attend UW. A few months later, I found that internship at Sundstrand Data Control. I loved working there so much that I worked 30 hours per week AND obtained my Mechanical Engineering Degree.
- I continued working at Sundstrand and intentionally pursued promotion. I became the youngest engineering manager in the company.
- When I learned about Six Sigma, I intentionally focused and became the fastest person to certify as a Master Black Belt in 13 months.
- When my second daughter, Noelle, was born I took 6 weeks off from Microsoft and built an addition on my house with my brother.
- When I was 39, I was asked to lead the small groups ministry at my church. I worked full-time, had a young family, and successfully built the small group system from 3 groups to 33 groups in 18 months.
- When I turned 40, I decided it was time to permanently lose the extra weight, so I intentionally began running and biking 5-6 times per week.
- A few years later, I decided I wanted to do a triathlon, but I didn’t know how to swim. I intentionally focused on swimming, and a year later I swam across Lake Roosevelt and back (2.4 miles!)
- When I was laid off from Microsoft in 2015, I wrote my first book in 45 days.
- When I turned 50, I intentionally built Change YOUniversity while working full-time, raising a family, and acting as the VP of Culture for one of the premiere junior football programs in America.
- When I got cancer in 2019, I intentionally kept exercising and wrote my second book as I went through cancer, riding my bike 15 miles to the UW on my final day of radiation treatment!
As you can imagine, the idea of living without intentionality, even for a season, was terrifying. After all, up until this point in my life, I’d allowed myself to be defined by my accomplishments, and I’d unknowingly allowed the pursuit of my accomplishments to become a sometimes-addictive agent, numbing the devastating pain that my body still held from a childhood of extreme trauma (I’ll write about this in depth in the future).
The liminal space is defined as “the space between what is and what will happen next”….and according to experts, “it has a major effect on our mental health” and “when you are in a place of unknowing, that can be massively scary, uncomfortable, and create anxiety.” I’ve simplified this statement as follows:
Uncertainty produces anxiety, but predictability brings peace.
I’m going to be brutally honest and vulnerable here. The last 7 months of being intentionally unintentional and remaining in the liminal space have easily been some of the most difficult but rewarding times of my life. The uncertainty about my future has produced enormous, almost unbearable anxiety. My fear of my unknown future has been debilitating at times. But I’ve chosen to listen to the counsel of the people in my life that I trust and remain in the liminal space until God showed me the path out. In these dark times I’ve found enormous hope in the stories of countless people that God has put in the liminal space (many times referred to as the wilderness) before using them for His glory.
I’ll write more about how God softened my heart and strengthened the most important relationships in my life during this season, but for now, suffice it to say that it’s once again abundantly obvious that only God could orchestrate this season so that He could do the work in me that only He knew I needed.
Ironically, the work that I’m most proud of at Microsoft happened over the last 3 years, ultimately culminating in a proven process enabling individuals and teams to thrive that is being used by hundreds of thousands of teams across the world.
And it’s the findings from this work on thriving that made my liminal season even more painful. The research is abundantly clear, thriving at work is best measured by the energy you feel from the work by asking the simple question “I was excited to work every day last week.” And the core drivers of being excited (energized) by your work occur when 2 things are present:
- The work is aligned to your purpose (e.g. calling, reason to live, why you wake up in the morning). The Japanese call this Ikigai.
- You are using your God given strengths at least 20% of your time at work every day.
The most poignant research I discovered from the Blue Zones project:
Knowing your purpose can add 7 years to your life.
Belonging to a shared purpose can add 14 years to your life.
This statistic haunted (and inspired) me nearly every day of the past 7 months. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became.
- What is my purpose?
- How can I use my strengths to fulfill this purpose?
- How can I find belonging in this purpose?
- And the most difficult question of all. “If I don’t find and pursue this purpose, will I ever be able to enjoy life with the anxiety I’m constantly feeling?”
I called Dave countless times, full of tears. He kept assuring me that God would reveal His purpose in His time, and not to rush through this season, but allow the season to shape my character. So, I kept waiting.
A few months ago, I started getting some signals of my purpose:
- A former co-worker, Ellen, found me on LinkedIn and asked me if I’d be a guest on her show. She shared that my cancer story had inspired her.
- A few weeks later, I was invited to speak at the Institute for Sustainable Diversity and Inclusion on psychological safety. Effenus, the co-director, found me through a random search on LinkedIn. We had an initial call, and I watched the excitement grow as my passion for psychological safety exuded. I’ll be giving my talk on psychological safety in March!
- A close friend reached out and asked if I wanted to co-host a podcast with him; a podcast whose purpose was not to sell, but to serve by sharing our experiences in life!
For the first time in months, I found myself excited and energized about the opportunities! I began thinking about how I could add the most value during these talks, and found myself dreaming about the opportunities again!
Ellin and I recorded our conversation yesterday on psychological safety. I shared my journey through cancer, and how Erinn, a co-worker who I fully trusted, listened as I shared my fears about cancer and work, and how her words inspired me to do the research that may have ultimately saved my life. I watched as Ellin listened in awe and was inspired by my story, and I experienced a level of energy and purpose unlike I’d felt in years.
Later that day, I told my wife that I’d felt dead emotionally for months, but today I felt alive.
God is finally bringing me out of the liminal space and into the promised land, and my purpose is becoming more and more clear.
Adding value to people’s lives
It’s the same purpose I’ve had since 2001, but this time it’s becoming even more clear to me…
I add value to people’s lives, inspiring them by vulnerably sharing the transformative impact of my life experiences.
My first book, Pain Drives Change, has inspired countless people to change because I vulnerably shared how God used the pain of a very dark season to transform me.
My second book, Apathy or Action, has inspired people by offering them hope and inspiration to take action because I vulnerably share my cancer story.
My third book on psychological safety will inspire people to change because I will vulnerably share my own story of how psychological safety has impacted my life and the lives of countless others.
My fourth book, From Protection to Connection, will inspire people to break the generational impact from trauma in their lives because I will vulnerably share my 25-year journey of overcoming childhood trauma and striving to break the generational curses in my family and the families of hundreds of men I coached in my organization, Change YOUniversity.
I’ve learned a lot as I’ve journeyed through the liminal space the last 7 months. The fear and anxiety I regularly felt because I’d forgotten my purpose and chose to be intentionally unintentional was debilitating at times. However, I won’t waste this pain, because I know there are countless people who have either forgotten their purpose or never discovered their purpose, and if my pain can add value to even one of these people’s lives it was worth it.
I’d love your feedback-did this blog add value to your life? How else can I add value to you?